New project, 'Boundaries'.

Hello again, here we are at the start of a new brief called 'Boundaries'. 
I've already developed the ideas which I'll take on further which- in short- is going to be themed along the neuroscience behind mental illnesses such as depression, anxiety as well as imagery that sufferers may experience (or at least I have) intertwined with the chemistry.

Depression is not a flaw in character, its a flaw in chemistry. Albeit, behavior stemmed from such chemistry is triggered by traumatic event and such so drugs aren't the ultimate solution, therapy and counselling and training one's self to be able to make themselves able to feel the emotions they are allowed to feel as a human. Remember depression isn't sadness, its being hollow and feeling nothing at all however. Being sad isn't a bad thing, its part of the human experience. Depression isn't a bad thing either, from experience its a humiliating experience but everyone will experience it once, twice or may be unlucky to suffer for the majority of their life.

Here are a few studies of the imagery I'd like to incorporate into the 2d aspects of my piece detailing the sort of things I would see in my nightmares/ dreams/ night terrors.

And this is the start of my 3d study of a giant neuron. Copper wire, some cheap, spongy crap and mod-roc.

Behance portfolio.

Here is a link to my Behance portfolio, please do check it out. 
https://www.behance.net/vampyr

Sorry for such a short post, will be updating you shortly as soon as I get a minute to myself!

The corridors of gender.

Hello all. With Traces now firmly closed and mounted perhaps its time to show you the final pieces.

tow sketches that were going to go into the (now scrapped) notebook. There have been blown up and frames and cropped.

These two paintings are the final pieces. The first features the organs seen in a keyhole hysterectomy and the second of mastectomy scars and cotton stitches. The paintings I feel convey the angst and fear that inspired the project instead of accurate depiction of the subject matter. The two main influences of these pieces are Francis Bacon and Jenny Saville, both of whom drew inspiration from such intense feelings that plagued them, creating moving and uncomfortable imagery and works. As far as my paintings go the latter is more successful although they both do compliment each other; The heavy red imagery of the hysterectomy with highlighted shapes of blue along side the heavy blue imagery of the mastectomy with highlighted shapes of red set each other off well. However the first painting has become blurred and difficult to read due to lack of accurate detail although it leaves room for personal interpretation and in turn has become less gory until one looks into it in great detail, whereas the second painting has quite blatant imagery but the way in which the paint is applied is the main focus, conveying a struggle and patience from smooth palette knife strokes where the torso seems smooth and subtle against harsh rigid brush strokes in areas with a wide array of colours eg, around the neck and scar tissue. 

Whilst it is a shame that I had to scrap a lot of things that I had planned into the exhibition such as the wire sculpture and notebook, the sketches are so much stronger and stand well beside the expressive paintings as anatomical drawings and give a little context to them and inform the viewer who may not quite see the medical process undergone by transgender people, perhaps missing the whole point of this piece. 

Personally this project has been a journey for me. I no longer feel restricted by my physical state and I am a lot less scared to be open about my true gender. I am afraid still of telling my family and will not be mentally ready for a long time as I feel it will be throwing their whole beliefs and my upbringing back in their face but my friends and individuals i trust are happy about the progress I have made into correcting myself but as I said before, I have a long road ahead  through the corridors of gender!

Thank you to all the people who have supported me, not just by encouraging my progress of this piece but looking deeper into it and helping me reflect the personal struggle within. The words I could conjure are not enough to really convey my true thanks, I am eternally grateful to you all. I have so much love towards you all and I hope I could give you the same kind of support to you all in all your endeavors.

Thank you all!

Searching for inspiration.

Here are a few things that have captivated my inspiration and began bubbling ideas in my head for future prodjects. 

Tateshots: Kusama's obliteration room.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-xNzr-fJHQw
A really sweet little video explaining and exploring Kusama's obliteration room.

Another weirdly inspiring video is to one of my favourite music videos, 'Black Tongue' by Mastodon. 
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hwgqenxNUfs
This video features the process gone into making the bull on the the cover of their album 'The Hunter'. Intriguing carpentry and sculptural work.

Another music video by Steven Wilson, 'The Crow That Refused To Sing'.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u4XevlloPY4
A sad little story about a man whose mourning for his sister has engulfed his life in darkness animated beautifully, complimenting the story behind the music.

Final sketches.

Traces is drawing to a close so all that is happening is me cracking on with the two paintings and the 'doctors notebook'. Here are some little bits going in, some are anatomical drawings that a doctor may have relating to his specialism. Some are just part that are some what more personal, conveying that this 'procedure' is a journey for me. 

Anatomical drawing of the organ arrangement in a male's torso.

Anatomical drawing of female's interior organs.

Anatomical drawing of an open incision on male genitalia. 

Quick self portrait.

Quick study of a boy. His weirdly proportioned...

Quick study of the boy's (above) chest.

All of these are in the process of being stuck into the notebook that'll be displayed between the paintings.

Digital repainting.

To try and capture some of the raw emotion and angst in Bacon's peices, I have started digital studies of his works. This is to try and recreate this 'raw-ness' and try to get a feel for palette and technique for myself. 

Digital repaint of 'Portrait of Isabel Rawsthrone'

(more in process of painting)

To see more of Francis Bacon's work, check out this link to his Tate biography and work. http://www.tate.org.uk/art/artists/francis-bacon-682

Pewter studies.

As part of my material studies, I've been playing around with a myriad of things: latex  denim and other fabrics, different applicatons of paint and wire and pewter maquettes.

Here is the process I went through to create my first pewter study.

1.making a lost wax maquette of the desired sculpture. You will need to make a 'neck' underneath it so that it'll be acting as a funnel when your cast is ready. The neck must be secure to the bottom of the container and your sculpture and strong enough to hold it as plaster gets poured on it.

2. Making a container for the plaster to be poured into to create the mould for the pewter to be poured into later, making sure theres no leaks and that its secure.

3. Mixing the plaster. The powder should always be poured into the water. Mix using sweeping motions through the layers, making sure you don't introduce anymore air into it.

4. When the consistency of the plaster is smooth but thick enough to stick to your fingers (like double cream?) its ready to be poured. This must be done fairly quickly as the reaction has already started and will be hardening very quickly.

5. You must remove the air in the mixture before it sets. You shake the mould gently or tap the base quickly and gently onto a hard surface. Do this until there are no more bubbles rising to the surface.

6. Leave the mould to set completely. it'll take a few hours or maybe longer depending on the volume of your mould. I let mine set overnight out of lesson.

7. When its solid, its time to melt the wax out of the mould. take the plaster out of the container and put it into the kilm. The wax will be melting out of the bottom, leaving the hole where it was attached to the container, which will be the shape of your sculpture.

8. Once its completely melted and just the plaster is left it'll be ready to take out and leave to cool.

9. Its now ready to pour the pewter. You must heat the pewter until its completely liquid. Pour the liquid pewter into the 'funnel' that you made with the wax maquette. Do this quickly as it solidifies quickly but be careful as it may spit molten pewter and is very dangerous. 

10. Once the pewter has set you'll have to start chipping off the plaster with a chisel. I left mine for 30 minutes before chipping away, just to make sure.

11. Chip away all the plaster and let the small stubborn bits soak off in warm water.

12. You may want to saw off the lumps of pewter where the 'funnels' were underneatehr your sculpture. Pewter is very soft so you can easily saw it off with a fine hand saw. Be sure to put it in a vice and secure the area that is being sawed off so that it wont move. Once you've sawed off the unwanted lumps you can keep them to be melted down and use again. 

*This part is completely optional but it does help the overall appearance of your piece and its what I did and I feel it was worth the extra couple of hours.*

13. To reduse the matte effect the pewter has, use steel wool wrapped in cotton wool (to protect your hands) to buff it off. You may want to use a dremel tool to help enhance the sheen too.