tow sketches that were going to go into the (now scrapped) notebook. There have been blown up and frames and cropped.
These two paintings are the final pieces. The first features the organs seen in a keyhole hysterectomy and the second of mastectomy scars and cotton stitches. The paintings I feel convey the angst and fear that inspired the project instead of accurate depiction of the subject matter. The two main influences of these pieces are Francis Bacon and Jenny Saville, both of whom drew inspiration from such intense feelings that plagued them, creating moving and uncomfortable imagery and works. As far as my paintings go the latter is more successful although they both do compliment each other; The heavy red imagery of the hysterectomy with highlighted shapes of blue along side the heavy blue imagery of the mastectomy with highlighted shapes of red set each other off well. However the first painting has become blurred and difficult to read due to lack of accurate detail although it leaves room for personal interpretation and in turn has become less gory until one looks into it in great detail, whereas the second painting has quite blatant imagery but the way in which the paint is applied is the main focus, conveying a struggle and patience from smooth palette knife strokes where the torso seems smooth and subtle against harsh rigid brush strokes in areas with a wide array of colours eg, around the neck and scar tissue.
Whilst it is a shame that I had to scrap a lot of things that I had planned into the exhibition such as the wire sculpture and notebook, the sketches are so much stronger and stand well beside the expressive paintings as anatomical drawings and give a little context to them and inform the viewer who may not quite see the medical process undergone by transgender people, perhaps missing the whole point of this piece.
Personally this project has been a journey for me. I no longer feel restricted by my physical state and I am a lot less scared to be open about my true gender. I am afraid still of telling my family and will not be mentally ready for a long time as I feel it will be throwing their whole beliefs and my upbringing back in their face but my friends and individuals i trust are happy about the progress I have made into correcting myself but as I said before, I have a long road ahead through the corridors of gender!
Thank you to all the people who have supported me, not just by encouraging my progress of this piece but looking deeper into it and helping me reflect the personal struggle within. The words I could conjure are not enough to really convey my true thanks, I am eternally grateful to you all. I have so much love towards you all and I hope I could give you the same kind of support to you all in all your endeavors.
Thank you all!
